I thought being pregnant was hard- all the nausea, heartburn, ill-fitting clothes, and constant energy drain. Then I thought labor was hard. 25 hours of pain.... But even after that, I thought recovery was worse. Different kind of pain, baby blues, saying goodbye to sleep, and freedom, forever.
None of that even compares to having a 1 1/2 year old. I'm still experiencing the lack of sleep (though not as severe), energy drain, and lack of freedom. But above all that, the responsibility of raising a son. Decisions about discipline, day care, doctors. The routines of bedtime, nap time, play time. The eternally messy house. The continual re-vamp of the monthly budget. To TV or not to TV? How to help him learn to control his temper. Working on controlling my temper. Finding mommy time. Never daring to take my eyes off him. The need for constant attention, lest ear-splitting wailing fill the air until mama comes back. The list could go on and on. My days are much harder than they ever have been. Full time wife, full time mom, full time teacher. Did I mention full time house keeper and cook? Let's not even mention all the new home appliance warrantee registrations I still have yet to mail in. Exercise Much? Such things have no hope in making it to the top of my list.
If anyone had told me all this before, and had I truly grasped the full picture, I might have gotten my tubes tied that very moment. But thankfully, it doesn't work that way. I never would have truly understood what it meant to be a mom until I actually became one.
But despite the walls stained with blueberries and peanut butter, the carpet littered with a conglomeration of every board game piece known to man, and that stinky smell that insists on lingering throughout the house despite several expensive constantly-lit candles, my little boy is still the light of my life. My little sticky-fingered joy.
And STILL, even more important than that, my true purpose here on earth is a much higher calling that one I can create or control on my own. Although I constantly fail at my feeble attempts to control or succeed at my job, in my home, with my son, I will never give up, because I know I'm exactly where I need to be. Right where God put me, doing exactly what he designed me for, singing and praising his name, living my life in worship.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (The Message) "So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."
